he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
