fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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