Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
