He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
