As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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