they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
