I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
