the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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