Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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