So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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