Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I want is dick and wine.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
