What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
