I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
