Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
