there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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