My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
