at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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