just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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