umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize