you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
