Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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