I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
