I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Bring me that man meat
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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