OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
