the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
