I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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