I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
