what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
