remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
