I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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