Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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