He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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