We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
