Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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