I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish you could order shots online.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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