Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
