Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
