How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
