i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
