Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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