im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
