Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
