a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fuck appropriateness.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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