I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
