I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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