So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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