he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
