If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
