Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
