Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
