Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
