I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
