Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
