talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
