just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
