Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
