I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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