I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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