Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
