just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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