I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
