So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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